I couldn’t stand still in the queue. My legs were doing their own thing and I was trying to control my upper-body swing. I smiled lightly to the guard, a careful nod to tell him “I belong here”. I couldn’t contain my body anymore at security. I emptied my pockets on the little desk, and decided not to bring my clementine.
The beautiful people that met me, the really soul-fine ones in all forms, shapes and smells, the ones you only dream of and could never imagine exist, the ones that only exist now in my mind because I am still making them exist. I could do, say and be whoever I wanted. So could everyone else around me. That’s what makes this place amazing. To be able to see it and try to remember it is truly what matters.
I am, if I may say so (and I will), a tall, pretty woman. I walk the woods in the snow, rain, mild storms and my favourite: the warming sun. I always bring my headset or have my mini Bose on full blast. Sometimes I scream as loud as I can or run til I throw up. I climb trees, I climb them high to look down, to push the feeling of fear so far that it becomes pure pleasure. I hunt sunrises and sunsets. I stand too long looking at the sun, drifting away. I beg for one more minute of moon and stars in many minus degrees. I swim in the ocean as often as I can, and often I can.
I do this to disconnect and reconnect. To trigger my primal instincts and really feel and do what my body wants. When I manage to let go I get the best warm feeling on the inside and in these moments, I am truly myself. This is the best disconnect and reconnect yet, I thought dancing up the stairs with my best buddies. The ones that hug me like there will be no other hugs. Ever. Always. I didn’t see them much for those 15 hours.
I remember taking my black t-shirt off, tucking it in the back pocket of my pants. And as I stood there in my favourite pink sports-bra amongst all the leather, the black, the asses and the sweat, I merged. I left my clementine and all my thoughts of my life at the check-your-pockets-desk. This is why I could merge.
Mostly I recall standing in a meditated state, dancing all my discussions out, while being lifted by all my muscles from the inside in what felt like perfect synchronicity with the music. And when I ended all discussions with myself, I was free from my own judging voice and my body did whatever it wanted.
I had three rounds of other body-pleasure-highs, if you know what I mean. I am after all, a tall, beautiful woman, and I had some things I wanted to figure out and let’s be honest, try. Some shit I also didn’t know I wanted to figure out, that was very interesting and exciting.
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